I Can Barely Keep My Eyes Open While Writing This Blog Post


After three weeks of being away from my job due to a dislocated kneecap, I’m finally back to work, though my knee is still on the slow road to a full recovery.  Walking has been a pain some days and I can barely stay on my feet by the time I get back home.  I’ve struggled to keep my eyes open during the evening and I’ve even dozed off several times for a couple minutes between activities with the wife.  While I’m happy and grateful to be working again, I’m reminded of how draining it can be week to week.  For my wife Kay, over the last two weeks she has worked an inconsistent schedule at her own job, with each work day having a different schedule, and sometimes she doesn’t learn that the schedule has changed again the next day until the last minute, typically in the form of an email in the evening or right before she leaves work.  She prioritizes getting nine hours of sleep each night.  That has been her routine long before I even met her, so if she’s required to come into work earlier, that means she goes to bed earlier.  Therefore, these constant schedule changes have taken a mental toll on her in terms of her energy levels, and it has affected quality time together in the evenings.  I’ve had to be okay with spending less time with her than I’d like lately, and she finally negotiated a compromise with her manager the other day to improve her situation and help improve things at home.

This weekend, Kay learned that her grandfather had a stroke and caught COVID.  Obviously, it has been a rough week for her and we’re both tired.  I didn’t feel like I got as much accomplished this week as I wanted to get accomplished because I was always too tired to work at home.  Even now I’m having a difficult time keeping my eyes open to write this, which is already later than I wanted to have it written and published to begin with.  It’s cliche to say, but times like these come.  Work becomes a stressor in a marriage and can hinder you from doing what you really want to do.  Life presents more challenges at times than you feel like you can handle.  The best I feel I can do right now is choose to be grateful for the things I did accomplish over this last week.  I edited a twenty-minute long video and got it uploaded.  I did another stream though it was short.  I edited and uploaded the next episode of my podcast Squeaming and I recorded a new episode.  I completely rearranged my office space to make it look more office-y.  Kay and I wrote another thousand words in our book.  None of that is nothing.  All of it counts for something.  If you’re beating yourself up over an unproductive week, don’t.  Somewhere along the way throughout the week, you probably did something significant even though you didn’t see it that way, or at the very least you learned something beneficial.  Life teaches us regardless of the kind of time you’re experiencing.  You just have to be willing to pay attention when it does.

This is really all I can give in this post.  It’s not much, it’s nothing groundbreaking.  But I’m glad I get to say that I wrote something.  I hope that that alone can be encouragement for you who might be feeling like you’re not doing much with your life.  Even value can be found in the times when you admit that you don’t have the energy right now to write much.  Someone could read that and admit that they feel that way too, and not feel alone in the process.  Hopefully I’ve done that for you.

My rearranged office space