I really don’t know why I chose this picture, just roll with it.
Just the other day, I gave my diagnosis report to my parents to hold onto and basically keep away from me so that I can’t read it again. I’ve already reread it over and over again. To explain briefly, the diagnosis report stated that I was on the Autism Spectrum, as well as explained different things about me they figured out through the psych testing I did a few months ago. Some of the things mentioned in the report had taken an emotional toll on me, because they were very negative, and it discouraged me and made me depressed. It talked about my anxiety, depression, and the feelings of hopelessness that parades through my mind from time to time. To make matters worse, I was reading those sections more times than I think my psychologist even expected me to.
I finally talked to my psychologist on the phone earlier this week to get some clarification on certain areas of the report that I didn’t quite understand, which meant revisiting the report. Again. The uncomfortable transition from one mood to the next (from positive to negative) made it crystal clear to me that it was a bad idea to keep looking at it. So, after getting some feedback from a few friends and even getting the same advice from my therapist, I finally handed the report over to my parents to hold onto. This doesn’t mean I’m ignoring what the report says and pretending that what the report says is not true about me. It’s my way of making my own statement, which says: “that report doesn’t define me. My own person is not what the report describes me to be”.
With so much focus on the negative listed on the report, it was becoming harder to focus on the positive things about me. Also, I believe that some of the negative things about myself can be used for good somehow, but I wasn’t thinking about that aspect while reading and rereading the report. I was only asking myself the question, “what’s wrong with me?”
Nothing’s wrong with me. I’m human. We all have our flaws. We’re all born with traits that make us unique. I would also like to point out the fact that as a believer in God and a follower of Christ, I need to focus on how God sees me. If you yourself feel like something is wrong with you and that you have problems, remember that you’re unique and you’re special and, if you believe in God, you know that you’re loved by Him.
Nothing in the report should’ve surprised me, given that most of the information was stuff that I had suspected about myself for a while now anyway. Yet somehow, seeing it all put down on a piece of paper was almost like a solid confirmation and it deeply affected me. So I gave it away. There’s no way that report should discourage me. I’m special, unique, and loved.