Where there is no vision, the people perish - Proverbs 29:18a
Recently I’ve been thinking about my own view of the world. I confess that I see the world as I’d like it to be, not the way it actually is. I learned from past experience that if I look at the world exactly as it is, then I have no hope for myself or my future, and I end up spiraling down into a depression that eats away at me with very little mercy, because I see so little good through that perspective. I’ve had to build fantasies in my head with positive ideas of what my future may hold, even if some of those ideas may look a bit unrealistic to a lot of other people. They’re a comfort when I’m struggling to hold onto hope for my future. I’m only twenty. I like to think I’m going to live for eighty more years, and thinking that fills me with hope.
I’m fully aware that I may be lying to myself when I say I have eighty more years to live, but sometimes a lie like that is necessary for people like me to get through life with perseverance, hope, and feeling encouraged.
“You have so much to enjoy and to be and to do” – Frodo from Return of the King
Everybody has these fantasy perceptions of the world, whether they’re aware of it or not. Some are aware and some are not. I’m one of those people who is aware and intentionally keeps it, because I know that it’s better than constantly seeing the world for what it actually is. I can’t live like that, because I’ll never be able to feel relaxed or be without fear. I would feel constantly overwhelmed, hopeless, and feel worthless. I need a vision to live for, and whether or not that vision may be realistic of what my future truly holds, it’s important for me to have one. And who knows, maybe my visions will actually come to pass. It’s an exciting thought.
Last year I wrote a letter from the future, sent to me by a person I hope to meet some day, and it gave me hope. It helped me continue on, and I still have it with me that I go back to once in a while. It helps me to know that where I’m at in life right now isn’t where I’ll be forever, but I must be content with the fact that where I’m at in life right now is where I’m supposed to be and where God means for me to be. Having dealt with depression before, I know how easy it is to lose hope, but I know that with effort and a desire to pursue my passions, I can eventually get to another place that God has already prepared for me and I will look back on this time now and realize that it was necessary to go through the things I’m going through right now. I’m excited for my future, and with God having that future in His hands, I have every reason to be. Below is a dialogue exchange from Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock by Matthew Quick that I found to be very encouraging in continuing to move forward.
“My life will get better? You really believe that?”
“It can, if you’re willing to do the work.”
“Not letting the world destroy you. That’s a daily battle.”